I’m officially getting old
Posted by joeabbott on July 9, 2012
Some people mark getting old by virtue of years, others by accomplishment … me? Mark today the day I measure age by malady. Today is the day I sneezed and nearly threw my back out. Today I’m officially “old”.
I’m home from work today suffering the final indignities of a common cold and hoping to spare my coworkers the brunt of my sniffling and hacking and, in the course of putting something or other away, I felt a sneeze coming on. Stop. Wait. Anticipate. Twist to look outside at the sun. And sneeze.
Oh, and, yes, then experience a raging pain unlike any I’ve experienced before but not unlike what I’d imagine being lanced from behind beneath the short ribs on the left side might feel like.
And then totter about, topple onto the couch, and enjoy the sweet balm of nothingness … which, in this case, was merely the absence of pain. All the while wondering, just what the hell was that?!?!
I understand what I did incorrectly: it was the whole “twist” in the description of the sneeze. You see, I’m a photic sneezer, a condition estimated by the fine folks at Scientific American as affecting somewhere on the order of 10-35% of the population. Arguably too large a range for it to have fallen out of a statistically valid population, however, I do tend to sneeze when looking at a bright light. But the problem was the “twist”.
You see, by twisting when looking outdoors for the bright light, I positioned myself to be anything but anatomically neutral when the sneeze spasmed my person. And, I’m not sure what the heck really happened back there, but my lower torso sure didn’t like it.
Regardless, I now considering myself beyond the veil of “old” and thoroughly through that entry. Now do I have to contact AARP or will they just know a new member awaits?